Neighbors

Today's post comes from a guest author, my mother. It concerns my stepdad (Phil) and the neighbors across the street (Bruce and Bob X). Please enjoy responsibly.

Okay so now it looks like we may be heading toward a feud between the X boys and Phil.

Background: Phil has never liked Bob; when he moved back in with his mom and brother he [Phil] would talk about how much he disliked Bob as a kid growing up down the block from them and how Bob was a dictatorial brat in their boy scout troop etc.

You all might recall how Bob has had a vendetta against the squirrels in the neighborhood and I watched him shoot and smack one around last year. After that, Phil caught him with his pellet gun again and shouted across the street at him and made a big deal of it.

Well last week they [Bob and Phil] rode to the gun club in Elk River together and whether Phil brought it up or not I don’t know but Bob said he was no longer shooting them. A couple days ago, Phil was walking home from his moms and he heard the gun and saw a squirrel fall. Yesterday he printed out a copy of the city ordinance that prohibits discharge of any fire arm in the city; took it over to Bruce and they apparently went at it. Phil claimed we had a picture of Bob thumping the squirrel from last year and we would take more, Bruce said he thought cameras in the neighborhood were pretty un-neighborly, and that feeding wild animals in our backyard was not legal and we should stop that as it brought all kinds of squirrels and chipmunks into his yard who then ate his plants. Phil suggested that since we live in an oak savannah Bruce might consider cutting down his trees. Etc Etc

All of this wouldn’t be so bad but Phil comes home and he swerves right at being so pleased with himself and then left at the idea (in his head) that Bruce is out campaigning in the neighborhood against him [he claims Don our neighbor down the street, next to Theresa, that she and Bruce were “joking” they should buy up all the houses in the neighborhood and sell them back to people who would have to agree to keep nice yards!! ]

So here we are two armed nuts living across the street from each other and both not ever really liking one another. Maybe getting out of Dodge soon is an even better idea than I thought! And somehow this could devolve in to being my fault for feeding rodents!!

Mom

Edit: here is a follow up email with additional information.

The part I forget to tell you is that Phil suggested to Bruce as neighborhood watch chairman he [Phil] canvass the neighborhood with a questionnaire asking if they had any recent bullets holes in their garages or houses, and how they felt about “murdering” “breaking laws” etc etc. I am waiting for the real s@#t to hit the fan. Maybe I should secretly tell their mothers (Esther and Ramona] [who are, by the way, not the best of friends either (Ramona ain’t a Catholic ya know!)] I feel like I might begin to hear banjoes one of these days (paddle faster!!!)

Bob reminds me of Yosemite Sam (Hanna Barbera cartoon character) always swaggering, blustering, and shooting off his guns!! Those big walrus moustaches!! Bruce on the other hand, is a bit like Charlie Brown. Phil, Daffy Duck maybe??

Mom