Neighbors III: Setting Things in Motion

Another chapter in our continuing story from our guest author, my mother. Is this part I of the thrilling conclusion? only time will tell...

So I come home last night and Phil announces that he has called the city to determine all the legalities of the great squirrel controversy. He has been badgering me to do this which I refused to do as I have asked him to drop this vendetta [this is no longer about squirrels, it’s a long simmering resentment on his part against the boys]. And that I would not be party to any more of his carrying on.

Well the city animal control officer had some real interesting advice: Phil explained that the lived on the southside (cleverly disguising his real location there) and was troubled by chipmunks and squirrels in his yard and wanted to know how he could get rid of them (again a clever gambit so they would be confused as to his true motive!)

NO, he could not shoot them, there is a city ordinance that bans the discharge of all firearms in the city, including pellet (bb) guns.

NO he can not poison them, again an ordinance banning such action

YES, he can live trap them and [This is the part that warrants the term “interesting advice.” ] she then proceeded to explain to him how he could then drown them in the cage if he really wanted to get rid of them, giving some advice as to how long that takes! She did warn him that some neighbors could be feeding them…from that he concluded that “they” had called and spoken to her and now she knew who he was too!

Again I said I thought it was time to get over this and that we can be vigilant about the shooting; but we should just start operating on the assumption that they are going to obey the laws and will try and live trap them and we can’t do much about that. Phil is not one to be swayed by that kind of wussie, roll over, march into the gym kind of thinking…oh no. He has plans to suit up ninja style, wait for the middle of the night, and douse their live trap in dog urine to deter the little critters from entering. When I asked him what he thought they might do in response to his sneaking onto their property at night to do this, he said they would have to catch him first. Hmm, does this all begin to go way past squirrel rescue??

Okay so now I am going to have to start filming this [I want proof when they start commitment proceedings, not sure if I am talking proof one way or the other] the image of Phil trying to collect some dog urine should be pretty good!